


Finding the Sunrise

by Sabilandako



Series: Lee Donghyuck/Haechan Loving Hours: Open [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Happy ending don't worry, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Light Angst, Protective Mark Lee, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, he just needs some hugs, im sorry hyuck i love u, taeyong is just oblivious, taeyong understands everything at the end, why do i keep hurting hyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 21:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18039374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabilandako/pseuds/Sabilandako
Summary: The problem is, he's not special enough for Taeyong to notice him. He's not Sicheng, not Jungwoo, and definitely not Mark. He's just Donghyuck. Just him.





	Finding the Sunrise

_Sometimes, Donghyuck would wonder what it was like to be cared for by Taeyong._

 

Dark eyes blankly stared in front; the owner of those soulless irises trying his best to blink back his tears and force a smile on his face. Taeyong was once again fussing over the other NCT 127 members for their impending stage performance and it was something Donghyuck would highly commend--he was being a good leader, to everyone and even to the maknae of the group, but somehow Donghyuck found it still _incomplete_.

 _Taeyong_ the _leader_ was there for him, but where was _Taeyong_ the _big brother_?

Donghyuck considered Taeyong as his second guardian. The man seriously was like a loving father to them all--on-stage and off-stage--and he knew that Taeyong would do everything he could to make them, his second family, happy. However, Taeyong wasn't perfect--he couldn't do everything all at once; Donghyuck knew that and would then painstakingly use that as his reason on why Taeyong would never as much spare him a glance.

Taeyong never looked at him. Not even once.

Donghyuck yearned some care from Taeyong too. He wanted to feel how it was like to be cared for like how Sicheng and Jungwoo were experiencing it from their oldest hyung. He wanted to be treated like he was a child too; he wanted to be pampered and he wanted to feel that he was just as precious as the others. Donghyuck wanted to experience being asked by Taeyong if he had eaten already or if he was tired; wanted to know if Taeyong could actually _see_ him.

Ufortunately, perhaps their eldest was just too busy being Taeyong the leader to everyone else to actually have the time to care for the youngest member of the group.

And as Taeyong continued to gently fix Yuta's crooked tie, Donghyuck didn't stop smiling even if he saw Taeyong caring and smiling at everyone but him.

 

* * *

 

 

_What was it like to talk with Taeyong about the unending and mysterious universe?_

 

Donghyuck didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't know what he did wrong, he didn't know what he lacked for Taeyong to never acknowledge him.

Was it because Taeyong thought that he didn't need to be protected like Sicheng? Was it because he wasn't as funny as his Yuta-hyung? Or perhaps it was because he didn't need to be pampered like Jungwoo? Whatever the reason was, Donghyuck knew it was because of him; _pitiful_ pathetic him. There was something in him that Taeyong didn't like, that was why his precious hyung ignored him as if he didn't exist--there was something _ugly_ in him that Taeyong didn't want to be associated with.

Donghyuck sighed sadly as he passed by the dining table where Taeyong and Taeil were chatting animatedly about some random things--something that would never include Donghyuck--before he went straight to the sink to make himself some tea. He could perfectly hear Taeil's soft lulling voice and his heart clenched painfully when Taeyong responded to the words as if those greatly made him glad. It seemed like everything the members would do would make a beautiful smile appear on Taeyong's face--Donghyuck wanted to see that smile too when he would do something good enough.

However, it was like he wasn't actually doing something _decent_. Because if he did, then Taeyong would have smiled at him already, right? His hyung would have talked with him, sought after him, and would have looked at him if Donghyuck was actually good enough.

But Taeyong still hadn't and Donghyuck thought that it was really his entire fault.

The high-pitched sound of the kettle, however, instantly snapped him out of his dark musings; his eyes fixating themselves on the confused and concerned look Taeil wore on his face. Taeyong wasn't even _looking_ at him--no, he was still talking with Taeil and not once even gracing Donghyuck some much needed attention.

Maybe Donghyuck would ask Taeil later about the universe--it seemed like everything that came out of Taeyong's mouth constituted the bright galaxy, anyways. He was sure Taeyong's words were magical, mysterious, and full of love towards his members; their leader was gifted, he was a blessing.

(Donghyuck wished that night that he'd hear those words directed at him too, even just once.)

The tea had been left forgotten and cold on the edge of the sink. Just like him.

 

* * *

  
_Maybe his arms were warm and protective. Donghyuck wasn't sure, he hadn't experienced being hugged by Taeyong yet._

 

It was nice being hugged by his mother--Donghyuck greatly treasured all those times his mother would protectively wrap her hands around her son. However, as much as he wanted to stay in her embrace, he still needed to disentangle himself and instead thrust himself towards the cruel arms of stardom; dark, lonely, _cold_ kingdom of popularity and fame.

He would wonder then, on the nights he would lie alone on his bed without his mother to soothe his worries away, what would it be like to be hugged by the person he considered as his second mother.

It must be pleasant and comfy--protective and at the same time, gently soft. Donghyuck could always see the adoration on Jaehyun and Doyoung's faces whenever Taeyong would hug them. He envisioned it; Taeyong's hug must be warm enough to melt the ice covering his poor heart.

Donghyuck quietly walked around the silent dorm towards his room; carefully moving so as not to disturb anyone, especially Taeyong who was just taking a nap on the couch. He wanted to hug his hyung--he looked cold and chilled resting there--but then he stopped himself from even dreaming of something as impossible as that and instead covered the older man with a blanket. Donghyuck himself was cold, _alone_ , but it was okay as long as his precious hyung wasn't.

And as he closed the door to his room, the darkness enveloping his whole being, all he wanted to ask for was a thumb to wipe his tears away and a strong hug to protect him from the nasty voices inside his head.

The salvation didn't come.

 

* * *

  
_The others had noticed. When would Taeyong?_

 

It was surprising: the sudden hug that came from his best friend. He didn't expect it from anyone, but apparently the emptiness he felt had been obvious enough that Mark thought that he needed a shoulder to cry on.

 _Strong, independent, sweet, hardworker, trying his best_ \--Mark told him those words; softly cradling him whilst the elder cursed Taeyong for not caring enough. It was unfair, Mark claimed, that Taeyong couldn't see the effort Donghyuck had always exerted just for a small smile, a short hug, or even just for an ounce of love. The tears that bridled his eyes then cascaded down; him wondering why Mark could see it, could see _Donghyuck_ , and Taeyong couldn't.

It was befuddling, to say the least. Taeyong had always taken care of the second maknae of the family--spent his utmost devotion and effort just to make sure that Mark would get everything he wanted. Wasn't Donghyuck a maknae too? Or was he just _not_ Mark--not as amazing and as perfect as little precious Mark--to warrant the care he had always yearned for?

It was unfair, yes, but Donghyuck never ever wanted to take revenge.

He'd just do the only thing he was good at--try and try his best and hope that Taeyong could notice him. It didn't matter how long; he'd _wait_. Just like the usual.

However, by the very man he wanted to make proud with him just being himself, his existence was yet again ignored.

Like the usual.

 

* * *

  
_All he could do was just to take a deep breath, keep his tears in check, and walk away._

 

"Taeyong is an idiot, but he's not blind."

Donghyuck vaguely remembered Johnny's words before he fled from the dorm. He so badly wanted to believe the statement but the image of Taeyong, who apparently was at the same room too, being confused and slightly understanding of the words made him scared.

Donghyuck wanted Taeyong to know--Taeyong perhaps knew it already but all what was needed was some confirmation--but why then did he turn his back and ran away when the opportunity presented itself?

Pathetic.

He had always wanted to kneel in front of Taeyong and beg for whatever the man could offer him--he was desperate for a piece of Taeyong, in too much pain, and on the verge of giving up. That was what he had always been accustomed to. Things could have changed however if he just stayed and explained everything to Taeyong when he still had the chance, but apparently, he was too much of a coward to face his problems.

He wasn't an avoider, but this time he'd be so if it meant that Taeyong could notice everything _on his own._ He wanted the man to see how alone Donghyuck had been, how the young teen yearned for arms to hug him, how he begged for someone to whisper the bad voices away.

Donghyuck just didn't know that under the moonlight, the only thing that would give him company was the cold unforgiving sea.

 

* * *

  
_Being found felt good. Extremely perfect._

 

'Donghyuck, please. Please answer your phone.'

 

'Where are you?'

 

'Please, I never wanted you to feel that way.'

 

'I'll change for you, I swear, but please come back.'

 

'You are just as special as the others, I love you as much as I love them. Please, _let me find you._ '

 

Sitting emotionlessly on the shore, his body freezing despite being huddled under a thin jacket, his empty eyes watching the dark dusty sky as it slowly signaled the coming of another day--it all turned into the opposite when he saw the painful words on his phone.  He knew then, with the way that he felt sudden warmth all over his body, that Taeyong finally discovered the secret he had always kept to himself.

Taeyong realized just how much he was hurting and their leader was going to fix him. His hyung noticed it without being told because he _cared_ enough.

_Taeyong actually loved him._

And all Donghyuck could then see was Taeyong running towards him, Taeyong looking at him with wide teary eyes, Taeyong promising he wouldn't let go of him ever, and Taeyong hugging him tight.

 

_"Finally, I found you."_

 

Above, the sun rose from the horizon; shedding gentle light towards the two men huddled under the thin jacket.

 

The sun has been found.

**Author's Note:**

> a.k.a me just projecting all my insecurities regarding my friends to donghyuck's character HAHAKANCDS :(((
> 
>  
> 
> If someone asks, this is originally a Ryeowook/Leeteuk fic I posted in aff years ago, and I know that this is considered as self-plagiarism but do any of you actually really care HAHAHA if u want to see the original fic, just comment and or dm me i guess????  
> We need all the hyuck-centric fics we can get, okay??????? And i made it my life challenge to fill this world with hyuck-centric fics D:<
> 
> thanks for reading uwu. also Happy Women's Day to all precious women out there! You all complete the world!
> 
> come scream at me on twitter!  
> https://twitter.com/prince_hyuck (for my nct acct)  
> https://twitter.com/sabilaism (for my suju, exo, nct, sm artists acct lmao)


End file.
